This next song is a really beautiful song by MUSE that I had forgotten about until today, when it unexpectedly popped up on my stereo.  I used to sing this song at open mic nights, although it has a peculiar range, even for a woman.  The video work is very clever and it has very poignant lyrics.  Definitely not for the faint-hearted or those having a tough day. I still love it though.

Thanks to Luke for sending this on!

Poor Monty was not designed for the UK.  One of his favourite pastimes is trying to hide, only, he just doesn’t camouflage.  One day he jumped half way up a silver birch tree when I was trying to get him in for dinner.  He looked like a carrot in an ice bucket.  Sometimes, he tries to catch birds and thinks that by hiding in green grass, he is really sly.  Unlucky.

Anyway, today he has found a solution.  He camouflages beautifully on the epic hall carpet, which is a replica of Van Gogh’s Starry Night, in delicate shades of green, orange and brown.  He is very pleased.

We are probably the only family in Cheltenham, who have a lights wash, a darks wash and…. An entire PINK WASH!

I watched the news last night and a few articles appalled me.  One was the multitude of idiots that they seem to manage to rally together to give their ‘expert opinions’ on the financial climate, another was the story of yet another child dying due to abuse and neglect (I could say a lot more on this) but the one that really rattled my cage was the distribution of Nazi papers in a German magazine.  

Previously it has been illegal to release Nazi propaganda in Germany, but they have decided that it would be a good idea to educate the Germans about Nazi history to show them how bad it was, by putting these papers in a magazine.  Call me stupid if you like, but have they not TOTALLY missed the point?  The law was not put in place to deprive the Germans of a piece of history and heritage, it was out of respect, honour and for the protection of the people.  There were some serious atrocities committed in Nazi Germany and they should never happen again.  

The news assured us that they were “sure that once the people read some of the articles, it would just reinforce the notion that this must never happen again”.  How narrow-minded.  Have they not forgotten, that the very same sorts of people as you and I, were brainwashed by the very same propaganda during the rule of Hitler?? Does it not occur to them that whilst they might like to think that everyone in the world thinks that the holocaust was disgusting, that there are some people out there who are Nazis, not to mention those who have criminal minds, etc.

I know a lot of people will come back and say “it is just a piece of history, we should have access to it” but that is just the problem with this world.  We don’t know where to stop do we?  For example, if your child was stabbed to death, would you want to keep the knife as a memoir??  Of course not, you’d keep one of their favourite teddies, or something that celebrated the good times.  Some stuff should just be burned.  It is the same with planning permission, some buildings should be knocked down, even if they are 300 years old.  There was still good vs. rubbish 300 years ago.  

If you really think it might be interesting to see Hitler’s sick ramblings, put them in a museum – don’t just flutter them out into the public domain like Jordan’s boobs.

…Really?!

When reading back over my ‘loves’ list, I realised that no.3 should have been under the title of ‘glee’ or ‘silent mirth’ – those things that tickle you that really shouldn’t.  Here is a list of ten, although I have to admit that giggling when I should not is a regular and terrible habit of mine so the list could in fact go on for ever.

Things that make one ‘gleeful’ (is that a word?!)

1.  When someone trips on a paving slab in the street and does ‘the little gay run’ to try and cover it up, know the one I mean?  Instead of saying “oh what a plank, I tripped”, they do this little slow motion ‘crossing the finish line’ footwork finale crossed with the classic ‘Sir Simon Rattle bringing a grand symphony to a close’ hand gesture.

2.  Prophetic dance in church.  Gets me every time!  Especially the ‘curl up like a tiny seed and grow into a majestic tree’ move – priceless.

3.  The look of sheer horror and dismay on a dog owner’s face when its randy poodle tries to mount an unsuspecting member of the public in a very public setting.

4.  Keen walkers who carry a map in a plastic wallet round their neck, with a pair of binoculars, a camera, a compass, a stick (even though they are quite capable of walking), a lone alpine jacket (fleece on the inside, waterproof on the outside), a spare jumper round their shouders, a gillet to keep warm and then… shorts (?!), walking socks and boots, sunglasses on a string and an Australian hat with corks in case of killer flies.

5.  When kids say exactly what they see or think and totally embarrass their parents.  I remember doing this when we moved back to Cheltenham.  My brother and I were young and were being shown round a house by a rather large estate agent.  We stood on the balcony of a house on London Road shouting “FAT FAT TUMMY HAHAHAHA FAT FAT TUMMY!!” etc for ages!

6.  Words that sound like they really should be rude but aren’t supposed to be.  Such as “crevice”.

7.  When old people break wind without a care in the world.  Or possibly without noticing.  How can conversation continue at this point?? There is still something about breaking wind that makes people giggle like children.  Is it the taboo nature of it, or the funny noise it makes?  I am not sure.  The smell is certainly not funny.  And of course, ladies never do it.  Ever.

8.   When your friend texts you from within the same room to point out something comical about the person you are talking to.  You can no longer focus.  I am also a terrible one for losing concentration in lectures at uni and producing a series of doodles to represent what is going on in the room.  I remember once, when I worked for Trinity, having to attend the most painful meeting of my life: the diocesan health and safety in youth work meeting.  It was the singularly most bizarre, disturbing and boring experience of my life!!  No offence to the diocese, I love you all really, but this meeting…. Seriously.  There was a lady from the Forest of Dean despairing over an 11 year-old child who had said to her (relayed in a thick Gloucesterrrrshirrreee accent) “I loikes sheeps I does”.  ”I loikes boy sheeps” (what the….?!???!?), a man from Charlton Kings who looked like he really needed the toilet, some other willowy looking characters, the diocesan youth officer, Dr Evil’s look-alike (who admitted that he had a cat), Dave, Jimmy, Ruth and myself.  I had doodled all of these occurrences onto my pad until the youth officer asked if I would like to share my copious notes with the rest of the group!!  All I could say was “no” !!!!!  I felt so rude and almost ate my notebook in cringing embarrassment.

9.  Other people’s laughs.  Often these are funnier than whatever was funny in the first place!

10.  Engrish.  Or any signs/writing for that matter that is unfortunate or mistakenly inaccurate.  One of my favourites is still the Swedish sign for bumps in the road.  Matching the English buttock-like symbol, the word underneath says “farthinder” or simply “farts” (bumps).  Stunning.  Refer to the fail blog for examples of ‘glee’ of this nature.

1.  Beautiful skies

2.  Seeing people smile and laugh – one of my favourite things ever!

3.  When someone (otherwise) dignified is in a restaurant and their sauce bottle makes a farty noise

4.  Really creative ideas

5.  When a piece of music becomes a person or a place because you have listened to it in the perfect setting

6.  God’s grace

7.  Really good picture books

8.  Holidays with hot sunshine

9.  Capturing a moment

10.  Singing loudly without even noticing (I do this far too often – usually when walking down the street or something!!)

This list could go on for ever…. Might add to it sporadically.

Everyone has little niggles.  Here are 10 of mine, what are yours?

1.  As Al Hogg reminded me on Facebook… People who misuse apostrophes.  Example:  ”We sell cake’s on Tuesday’s here in Smokeys Café”  No you don’t.

2.  Most people in this country own a piece of Ché Guevarra merchandise.  Supposedly this makes them deep, well versed in life and slightly ‘activitst’.  Few of these people give a stuff about who Ché was and what he actually stood for.  Would they wear his face if they did?  Probably not.

3.  The end of a bottle of shower gel – you always feel a bit dirty if you have not managed to squeeze out a satisfactory blob.

4.  Peach toilet roll and household decorations (there may be exceptions to this rule)

5.  People who have no power in their ordinary life, so do a job such as ‘car parking attendant’ for a one-off event and make up for lost time.

6.  Einaudi CDs in every house I go to (sorry I know there will be a lot of fans out there!)

7.  The fact that saucepans just don’t store easily anywhere

8.  0845 numbers and those on the other end!

9.  Printers mixed with deadlines

10.  Freeview – it just doesn’t work!